3. Be-Headed

Well.

I was at a loss for what to think and how to feel. I was home and safe (for extremely strange definitions of "safe,") and the initial shock had passed, but…what was I supposed to do from here!? I was stuck like this for a full week, apparently, and despite my first instincts, I couldn't just immerse myself in work and hope to forget about it; doubtless Lacey really would lock out my account, if I tried. So…what, then?

I sat there on the couch for a long minute, pondering. I thought about trying to catch up on personal projects, but I didn't have any; and there was nothing much that needed doing around the house. I was fine on laundry 'til the end of the week, and there were no dirty dishes I couldn't run in the dishwasher; the lasagna came in its own disposable foil pan, and the Tupperware—

Well, shoot. I realized that my leftovers were still sitting in the breakroom fridge; I'd never gotten around to having lunch, what with the whole my head falling off thing. I'd probably need food later, but I was too muddled right now to feel like eating. It'd all happened so fast; suddenly I was no longer the same, no longer what I was supposed to be. Despite my best efforts, it had broken its own rules and gotten me anyway, after all these years…

When had I first learned about the "Halloween phenomenon…?" I felt a shudder run up my spine and spread throughout my altered frame; my brain was insistently running through my memories against my wishes, as it often did. It must've been prior to first grade, I knew that much; but my recollections that far back were fragmentary at best. Suffice to say, it'd been living rent-free in my head for a long, long time.

Of course, it'd been around for a long, long time. The how and why of it might be a mystery, but it was trivial to look through the archeological record and find indications that it was known back to the earliest days of recorded history; and the fact that it sometimes stuck went a long way toward explaining the many seemingly-anomalous creatures in the annals of mythology and folklore.

It didn't happen to everyone; it wasn't even unheard-of to have a party where nobody changed. And whatever force out there was in charge of it could be charitably described as "capricious;" there was enough of a pattern to its actions to make it clear that it was more than merely random, but not enough to make it predictable or controllable. (In fact, trying too hard to influence it was a surefire way to have it backfire on you, or so people said.)

You might simply become what you were dressed as, or something like it – or maybe either, but with additional changes to…other aspects of yourself. Or, hell, who knew!? You could very well end up as something completely different, something with no discernable relation to how you tried to present yourself. (Word 'round the office was that Gary had gone as a cowboy.) It could wear off the next morning, the next month, or…well, never; there was absolutely no way to tell.

From an early age, I'd never understood it – how could people be so casual about something like that!? How could you treat something that might upend your whole identity and permanently alter your entire life like it was all in good fun, just typical party antics? Sure, it usually didn't, but didn't they understand what they were risking? Didn't they value their real selves? What if…what if they were stuck like this…?

I felt myself starting to shake, and clutched myself tighter. This wasn't good; I had to get it together, that was the whole point of me taking a half-day. I had too much going on at this point in my life to deal with this; I had to get back to work, had to keep from falling even further behind, had to…had to…

I squirmed and shifted my hips nervously as I realized that, on top of everything else, I had to pee.

I groaned, trying not to notice the change in pitch; the coffee from work must've caught up with me. I really didn't want to have to think about this, not right now (or, really, ever,) but I knew there was no getting around it. With a sigh, I picked myself up and headed up to the bathroom. I could handle the stairs, at least, but seeing the world from what my brain thought of as kid-height made me feel so small, and I already felt helpless and off-kilter…

"Get some rest, alright?" Easy for her to say; she wasn't the one stuck here all alone, trying not to think about the situation any more than absolutely necessary. I set the hot water running and puttered around the bathroom for a minute or so, fidgeting uneasily and trying to work up my nerve. It'd be enough of a miracle just to get through the week like this without losing my…mind, I thought, as I leaned down to put the stopper in the tub, and tried to ignore how some parts of me were now hanging free, and others weren't; how did she expect me to relax on top of that?

If there was an upside to being down at my own waist-level, it was that I couldn't really see the mirror over the sink – I wasn't remotely ready for that. But I definitely couldn't keep putting off the next part forever; and so, with a heavy sigh, I went over to the toilet, set myself on the little end table opposite (which still held a prior tenant's old Reader's Digests,) and got down to "business."

The coldest blush I'd ever felt crept over my cheeks, and I cringed mightily. Watching myself use the bathroom had never been within the same galaxy as my bucket list, but this was still unfamiliar enough that I didn't trust myself to know my way around without some way to see what I was doing; and even if I was shorter now, I couldn't see over my own shoulder from atop the tank. So I had little choice but to sit there, trying not to make "eye contact" with myself while keeping reference to my surroundings, trying not to notice my new legs, or…anything else…

After the second-longest twenty seconds of my life, I cleaned up, gathered myself, and stepped over to the tub to turn the faucet off. Wait, why had I run a bath? I didn't actually need one, I'd showered this morning. I'd sort of done it on auto-pilot; was it because Lacey had suggested it? Well, in any case, I had no desire to see myself naked like this, and there were much less discomfiting ways I could relax, probably. I'd just drain it, and then…

…and then…I had the curious feeling that I didn't actually want to do that. I couldn't really explain it; my reasons for intending to do so were clear and logical, but it was unexpectedly difficult to connect rationale with intent, when some part of me felt like a long, hot bath would actually be just what the proverbial doctor ordered…

I wrestled with myself on this for a bit, but I just couldn't get it out of my…thoughts. Well, I rationalized, it would probably help me calm down, which I'd have to do if I were gonna be in any shape to return to work; and if I set myself facing the other way, I wouldn't have to see anything…

Cautiously, I put me down on the rim of the tub, unbuttoned my shirt, and shucked off the rest of my clothes; but when I went to get in, I found myself hesitating. I could feel where I was relative to myself, but I was unused to visualizing my surroundings from my body's perspective. Well, no sense being unsafe about it; I'd heard enough stories about accidental falls in the bath. I reached down and turned myself so I could see – and winced when I caught a side view of my own completely bare leg.

I shut my eyes in a hurry, but it was enough to give me a surprisingly clear mental image of the other point of "view," and I climbed in without issue…only to experience a whole new sense of awkward self-awareness, as the water enveloped and caressed every surface of my body, making it very, very difficult to keep from noticing how different those surfaces were, now (or that some parts of me were more buoyant than others…)

And yet, in spite of myself, it did feel good. I felt tension I was so accustomed to that it'd faded into a sort of background noise for my life melting away, knots in my shoulders that I'd taught myself to ignore unraveling, the chill I was used to feeling at this time of year being chased out by a warmth that suffused my whole body…I sighed, not because I felt overwhelmed or exhausted, but out of relief.

For a long while I remained there, lying back in the tub, feeling the warmth of the water all around me, losing myself in the drone of the bathroom fan and enjoying the respite of not thinking because it wasn't necessary, rather than trying not to think because it was draining and uncomfortable. But after a while, I found it hard to keep my eyes shut; I was more relaxed than drowsy, and there was daylight coming in through the window, cold and gray as it was out there. I felt that pressure behind the eyelids, like when you've woken up early and you're trying to make yourself go back to sleep…

I squirmed a little. I wasn't ready to see what'd become of me, I really wasn't; not so completely, not…everything. But…well, the window was on the other side of the tub stall, so the light over here was dimmer, and I was completely submerged…I cracked an eyelid nervously, ready to shut it again at the sight of myself, but what I saw was less unsettling and more just strange.

My body was underwater, and between the light level, ripples, and a bit of surface steam where the hot water met the cool air of my apartment, I couldn't really see anything of note; I'd set myself too close for my field of view to extend very far down in any case. But hovering over the surface of the water, where my neck should've been, was the "flame" I'd seen earlier.

It was the eeriest thing: a wisp of light, around the size of my head, just floating there in mid-air. It probably wasn't a literal flame, but it curled and licked at the air in a hypnotic way, just like the genuine article, right down to the "sparks." It was silent – or was it? I got the faintest suggestion of sound at the edges of my perception, but that might've been resonance from the fan.

It gave off a soft glow, a nimbus I could just see in the air around the "flame" proper; it wasn't bright enough to be uncomfortable to look at, but it glinted off the bathwater and turned the ripples into pretty little traces of light, dancing across the surface in gentle chaos. Stranger still, I could swear that the water beneath it was actually displaced a little, making a faint depression in the surface like it was a solid object whose volume exceeded its own visible boundary…how curious.

Mesmerized, I watched it for what felt like ages, feeling my muscles relax and my breathing slow down; maybe I was getting drowsy. The thought crossed my mind that, like this, I might even be able to fall asleep in here with no danger – but I probably shouldn't put that to the test. I should probably just…just…

---

I jolted awake to the sound of the doorbell. Shit, had I fallen asleep!? How long had it been? The water was no longer hot, but it wasn't lukewarm, yet. Gah, I was gonna get all pruney, I just knew it; still, I felt more relaxed and refreshed than I'd been in…I couldn't even remember. Feeling a powerful yawn coming on, I eased back into a sitting position, stretched my arms and took a deep breath, gave my shoulders a lazy roll…

…and was startled anew when the doorbell rang again. Who'd be coming 'round at this—no, wait, that was probably Lacey, wasn't it. Was it after work already? Couldn't be, it was still daylight out. It was high time I got out, anyway; I lurched halfway to a standing position, then froze stiff as I realized that A. not only had I just given myself an eyeful of my own breasts, but B. I was right at eye-level with my pelvic region; I could see everything.

With a yelp, I leapt from the bath and scuttled out of my own field of vision, blushing furiously. I was experiencing a bizarre cocktail of jumbled emotions; I felt like I should be apologizing to myself for catching me by surprise, like I could hardly believe what I'd just seen, like I didn't even know how to feel about it…and especially like I wished I could un-see it, so I wouldn't have to think about it…

…but I couldn't. I'd tried not to notice, tried to shove it to the back of my mind, tried to focus on other things, even tried paying attention to what would normally be considered the stranger part of the change that'd been inflicted on me…but I couldn't shut it out. I knew what I saw, and I knew what it meant; I'd known it almost from the start. It was elementary logic: that was a woman's body; that was my body; therefore, I was a woman…

I felt myself starting to shake, only partly from drip-drying in a cold apartment. I couldn't deal with this; not now, not with everything else I had to worry about. I couldn't do this, couldn't be this. I couldn't—

Then I heard the front door open, making me jump. "Connor?" Lacey called, from down in the entryway. "You okay? Thought I heard a yell…"

"J–just a minute…!" I called back; it made me feel all weird hearing my altered voice, but the last thing I needed right now was to have her assume the worst, come to help, and walk in on me standing here cold, wet, and naked. God, I was already feeling the chill; did I really have the thermostat so low? Or was I just more susceptible to it, as…as a…?

I shook my head…or tried to. In this strange state, my brain didn't seem to know quite how to express it. If I still had a neck, off somewhere in Dimension X or however this worked, I didn't seem to have the muscles for it; I realized, with a sense of creeping alienness, that they were no longer even part of my mental map. At the same time, the part of me that'd instinctively translated expression and body language into manual gestures earlier couldn't turn my head with a flick of the wrists, because that part of me was still sitting on the rim of the tub; I ended up clawing at the air in mild frustration.

Anyway. I needed to be dry and covered up right now, for a whole host of reasons, and I needed to get that way without looking at myself, for one very specific one. Was that possible? I couldn't see my body, but I could sense it; and I could see about half the bathroom, which gave me a frame of reference. Curiously, while I'd had my eyes shut earlier, I found I could visualize this other-perspective pretty clearly even without it.

My right foot was on the corner of the bath mat; I knew where that was. And I could tell my body was facing toward the mirror, the opposite direction from my head. I was behind myself, then, from both perspectives, but closer to the tub than the linen closet. If I sidled cautiously to the left, and put my hand out…

There! That was the closet door; the handle doubled as the towel rack. I reached down and felt around 'til I grabbed hold of the towel, took it up and spread it out, lifted it over my shoulders – and cringed as I felt it pass through my "flame." It was a bizarre sensation; I can't describe it more clearly than to say that it was like something not quite real was being forced into interaction with something that definitely was. I felt like my brain had momentarily had its common-sense particle removed.

Putting that aside (and taking a moment to confirm that this not-quite-real not-quite-flame hadn't not-quite-lit the towel on fire,) I had what I needed, and even if my body wasn't entirely familiar right now, I at least knew where all of it was. I began to rub myself down just like usual…at least 'til I finished up with the back side of me and moved 'round to the front.

It only took a little extra care to dry off my shoulders and neckline without triggering more feelings of spacetime weirdness or whatever the hell that'd been. (I couldn't avoid noticing that the area beneath the "flame" was an unbroken expanse of skin, and it took me a moment to process that mental image.) But I hissed in surprise when I got to my chest; I hadn't realized how sensitive it was now, and dragging the rough towel across my altered skin was not a fun way to discover that.

So I ended up having to go more gently with that. On the other hand, when I got to my pubic area, I was entirely too ginger with it, not being terribly comfortable with the idea of touching anything down there; but I liked the idea of having it all damp and prickly in my underwear even less, and I had to make myself dry off properly, while trying not to think about it.

After that came the clothes. It took a bit of fumbling around blindly to locate them, but it was simple enough from there; I'd had plenty of practice at dressing in the dark, on deep midwinter mornings when you could just about count the nanoseconds between getting out of bed and being properly insulated for the day. But they still didn't fit right on my altered frame, and that only drew my attention to the differences…

Well, at least I was decent. I took a deep breath, trying to pull myself together; then I stepped back over to the tub, picked me up, and went downstairs to meet Lacey.

She was loitering in the entryway, and grinned when she saw me. "Hey," she said. "Had that bath after all, eh?"

Still feeling all weird about it, I nodded sheepishly. She got an impish twinkle in her eye, but if she felt any impulse to tease me about it, she mercifully refrained. "I did get you a bus pass," she said instead, fishing around in her purse and pulling out a card. "Haven't looked into assistive solutions for driving yet, but that should get you around in the meantime."

"'Assistive…?'" I murmured, boggling as I tried to picture what that'd look like. "I mean, it's only for a week…"

"Well, who knows?" she said, and handed it over to me; I had to hold myself in the crook of my arm so I had a free hand to grab it. "A lot can happen in seven days – but it'll do for now."

I frowned, wondering how to juggle myself, my wallet, and the bus pass without fumbling any of them; I ended holding the wallet right up in front of me while I slipped the pass in, staring right into my own face as captured in my driver's-license photo. "A–anyway, you didn't have to take off early just for this…"

"Y'know, Connor, most people think of it as getting to take off early," Lacey said, giving me a Look. "Plus, it wasn't just for that – you're gonna need some new clothes, after all."

"What?" I said, surprised at my reflex-quick reaction, and the sharpness in my voice. "Er, not really…? I mean, it's only a week…"

"Dude," she sighed, "even if you wanted to rock the boyfriend-shirt look 'til next Wednesday, your pants aren't gonna fit; we both know that. And as you are now, that's a legit safety concern – like, no joke, a can't-let-you-return-to-work type safety concern."

"…Really?" I cocked my head and stared at her, then frowned and glanced away. "And, um, I mean, there's no sense in paying for a bunch of stuff I'm not gonna use after this…"

"Look, we both know you wouldn't, but as far as corporate's concerned, if I saw you tripping all over yourself and didn't do anything to rectify it, and you fell – or, um, dropped yourself…? – you could sue for negligence under the ADA." She shrugged. "Seriously, I looked it up and technically, since you changed on the clock, we're responsible even though it wasn't at the company party."

"Plus, it's the company that's paying for it," she continued, as I shuddered and pulled myself closer at the thought of things that could happen to me now. "I asked Accounting, and post-change accomodations count as a write-off, so we are officially very okay with providing you whatever you need to do your job safely and efficiently." She gave me a devilish grin. "'Specially since it's nearly the end of the year and corporate likes it when taxes go down relative to revenue. Turns out there's a reason a certain comptroller received a whole side of beef for his five-year commemoration."

Truthfully, we all pretty much knew that…but I found myself mulling it over while I tried to figure out how to feel about this. The rational part of my brain had to admit that her arguments made sense; safety aside, it'd be hard to stay focused on work if I were all self-conscious about how I was dressed, what people would make of it, whether they were staring…and if the company materially benefited from it, it was hard to imagine that it'd reflect negatively on me as an employee…

On the other hand, I was dead certain that I'd be feeling self-conscious for other reasons, if I showed up at work wearing…well, I didn't even know what, and at the end of this, I'd have it all hanging 'round as an awkward reminder of what I already wished I could forget. It was gonna be enough of a challenge dealing with just the practical considerations here; I didn't need to add that kind of baggage. Hell, I felt a strange gnawing sensation in my gut just thinking about it…

But, well…she probably wasn't kidding, and I was already worried about falling behind. Maybe it didn't have to be like that; if I got stuff that was basic, functional, relatively normal…and when it was finally over, I could, I didn't know, donate it to charity or whatever. If it came down to that vs. can't return to work for an entire week? My stomach churned at the thought…

Then Lacey laughed, and I realized that it wasn't nausea I was feeling. "Right, you never did have lunch, did you?" she said. "C'mon, we'll grab something on the way. There's a bakery not too far from here, by the SuperOne; if we hustle, we can probably get there before they stop taking sandwich orders."